Thursday, November 20, 2014


Ok, so my big announcement is that I switched blogs! The reason I did this was because I felt as though I was growing away from my old one Minor Numbers. It's not a bad thing at all but I wanted to branch out because I realized that my "why" for the blog was shifting. 

I was in a different place when I started my blog back in March and so much has changed in the past 8 months that I wanted to start a new chapter. When I first started blogging, I was still finding my voice. It's a common thing when people start, and it may take awhile for someone to find their niche. 

In March, I was at the place where I finally threw the scale out the window and no longer was determining my worth by that number. Don't get me wrong, that's still so, so important! But, I am so different now. In a good way, though! From March to now I was on another chapter in my journey and even though I was done with the scale, I was still looking for something.

It was balance.

And I can say that I've found it now. For the past couple months, I have had peace with myself and it's been the most incredible blessing!

Which brings me to why I decided to switch blogs. My old one was about what I went through from February 2012 to March 2014 which was overcoming the scale, and the hold that number had over me. It was only part of the battle and I wasn't sure which direction to go in after I got past that part. I still had so much farther to go, and I definitely knew that so I started blogging to track my journey, and to connect with others along the way.

Then, two months ago, it all clicked! I could tell that I was different and that my blogging style was different. I had grown more into myself and what I wanted to write about. I mean I'm still gonna write about the same things like self-love, recipes, and balance. None of that is going to change but I feel as though this new blog will be more encompassing of what I want to write about.

I probably need to explain this better but I felt as though with my last blog, the first impression was about throwing the scale out the window. Like I said, that's important but it's not the only important part of the journey. I was still in that first phase when I began the old blog but I've learned so much more since then. I felt as though I was only writing and focusing on that first part, which is why I wanted to branch out. Now, I want to write more about the big picture and what I was striving for which was balance.

So, with the big picture there came three things: love, live, and balance. Although you probably already guessed that right? ;)

I believe that these are the three main components of what got me to the point I am in my life. The point where I am the strongest mentally that I've ever been, completely comfortable with myself and my body, and utterly in awe of my awesome God who healed me.

Let's start with love.

The whole cycle began with loving myself, others, and God. Once I started being nice to myself and loving myself, things started falling more into place. I put my faith in the Lord and prayed every day for healing. I made leaps and bounds but there still felt like something was missing. Then one day, a couple months ago it hit me: I need to give some of that love and healing pouring into my life back out to others. For close to two years, I kept my struggles to myself and didn't want to talk to anyone about it. I was being selfish, though, because I know now that there are people in my life going through similar things. What if I had reached out to them earlier, and we could have gone through it together? We can be so much stronger when we love on one another and encourage one another.

So I began investing more in the people in my life, and something wonderful and amazing has happened! I have been receiving that love back ten-fold, and I cannot thank God enough for teaching me this lesson. It's not enough to only love yourself, you have to give that love back to others. It's absolutely one of the best gifts, and the main reason I decided to apply to grad school. If all goes well, I'll be able to make my career about investing in others and giving back that love and healing.

Next comes living.

I wanted to live my life free of those anxieties about food, to live free from those negative thoughts, to live free from hating my body and focusing on the numbers. I wanted to live my life the way God intended and the way I was created.

This past weekend, my sister said something to me that really stuck with me. I ended up going to dinner both Friday and Saturday so I had to guesstimate my macros, something that would've given me severe stress and anxiety before I found my balance. We were getting ready to go out Saturday and I was just eyeing through my macros to see what I could fit. I can't remember exactly what I said but I think it was something along the lines of "well maybe I can squeeze in some bread but if not, it'll be fine I have some wiggle room." And Amanda's response was "it's so great seeing you with your new-found freedom".

What Amanda said is true, though, because I'm at the point where I can go out with friends and family without having panic attacks over food. I just guesstimate and leave it at that. Yeah it's not going to be exact but it's not going to hurt me either! It's about enjoying myself and spending time with those I love. That's something that I was robbed of nearly three years ago but I'm living it up now that I have it back!

Talking about it this past weekend, I realized just how much the people around me could tell the change in me. I had a heart-to-heart about it with my best friend on Friday at dinner, and she told me about how worried she was when I was dropping weight like crazy. We were roommates at the time in college, and she could tell that something was definitely wrong but didn't know how to help me. We had gone shopping before dinner on Friday since I needed to find a dress, and she said it was such a relief to see me looking healthier and stronger.

When I was restricting and depriving myself, I wasn't just causing myself emotional pain but those around me. My mom, sister, and best friend were worried sick about me because they were closest to me and could see the changes. Now that I'm free from all that, I'm ready to start living my life because I wasn't before when I was trapped by my own mind. My anxiety over food and my weight literally controlled my life. I wouldn't want to leave the house if I knew there would be fear foods at a gathering. I wasn't living at all, and I could have been spending my time doing so many other things such as investing in others, serving my church, or just enjoying life! Now, I love being able to guesstimate and not stress about food. It's wonderful to be free from those old anxieties and insecurities, and to see the change in myself.

Lastly, there's balance.

This is what brings it full circle. When I brought everything together: loving myself, loving others and God, loving the workouts that I do, living free from the scale, the negative thoughts, and the fears about foods then everything slid into place. I stopped looking at what was in front of me, and started looking at the big picture. That is how I truly found my balance.

I honestly fell in love with the process and the lifestyle when I switched to flexible dieting. I do it because I 100% love it and believe in the process. I love my workouts, and genuinely look forward to them. Some of my coworkers and friends think I'm crazy but I really do love working out! I also like tracking macros because fueling my body is important to me. I want to be the best version of myself that I can be, and I'm not talking about physically. That really doesn't matter to me anymore because I learned to love myself from the inside out.

So, with that being said the best version of me has nothing to do with how I look physically. I want to be the me I was created to be. There's no way I could have lived my life being controlled by my fears for the past two and a half years. I gave it all to God and got back more than I could have ever imagined. As I sit here typing this, I can't believe the difference of where I am now compared to even last year, the Lord is truly amazing!

It took me from February 2012 until October 2014, and I look at it now as simply a part of my life. It was a chapter that changed me, shaped me, and I grew from it. Yes, it was difficult and stressful, but now that I'm out on the other side I can truly appreciate what I've learned.

I realize that this was a super long post but I wanted to make sure that I explained myself :)

I hope you guys like the new blog and I love each and every one of you guys! Seriously, I mean that and if anyone has feedback about the new blog I'd love to hear from you!


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