Presence Doesn't Equal Being Present

I'm the type of person that when I'm feeling overwhelmed with things going on, filled with anxiety or uncertainty, and discomforted then I seek solitude. It helps me to re-focus and re-center myself. One of my favorite things to do is to take Layla out to the woods and just breathe. When I say I seek solitude, my dog obviously doesn't count! We are a package deal. 

It helps to actually remove myself from the situation and get to a place where I can just think everything over. I take Layla and we just go. We roam around the woods with no real plan of action, and it's amazingly free to just simply watch Layla run around having a ball.  

She reminds me so much of just taking the time to enjoy the present and BE in the moment. I often spend so much time worrying about the future and getting myself worked up over 100 different scenarios (where 99 of them are made up in my head haha!) that I forget to appreciate the present. 

So on the days where I'm getting myself too worked up, I just walk away from it. I tell myself it's not worth worrying over so I run away with my dog and let her crazy antics give me a laugh. Side note: if you ever need an entertaining distraction then Layla's your girl! She always gives me a reason to smile and to enjoy the moment. 

In total transparency, it's been an uncomfortable past two weeks. I've had a lot of pent up anxiety over the future and what I'm going to do. A few months ago I felt a calling placed on my life and it has taken every ounce of trust I have in God to keep following. Never in my life have I followed this blindly in faith, and it is NOT easy. 

By no means do I always have a plan or try to control everything (pretty much the opposite), but when I am pushed out of my comfort zone my reaction is to always tread lightly. I am not used to charging boldly ahead but that is what God has been calling me to do. He didn't just want me to dip my toes in the pool but I dove right off into the deep end and it has been extremely unsettling. 

At the same time, though, I have experienced so many blessings in the past few months and I am so excited about what the future will bring. It's just that if you have anxiety and understand what I'm talking about, there is always that side that can get to you. I am equal parts excited and terrified about what is to come, and that's basically how I always operate!

Things are falling into place but at the same time there is always that part of my mind trying to come up with the worst-case scenarios. I have to learn to not listen to that part of myself but instead seek God and His promises. I recently read something that has really stuck with me lately when facing spiritual battles, and the thought is that the enemy's attacks become more frequent and stronger because he knows that God has great things on the horizon. So the more I struggle, the more I know I'm getting closer to where God needs me to be.

So I've been learning to take all of this pent-up anxiety and to take that energy on directing my focus to the present. Your presence does not always mean you are actually, truly present. Your body can be in one place and your mind totally somewhere else. Focusing on the present helps take my mind off the future, and let's face it we are never promised tomorrow. We're never even promised the next minute so I want to focus on the minute I am in. I focus on only what I need to do right now, and let the future fade off in the distance. 

On Monday, I took Layla to the woods again (we've been going about 2-3x a week the past two weeks if that tells you anything ha!) and after our hike there was this fallen tree on the path. I sat down and Layla was thrilled because it was right by the creek so she swam around as I took time to just be still. I didn't focus on the work I needed to do, my plans for the future, or my anxiety over the blurry picture of what is to come. No, I simply sat there in the sun, soaking up the beautiful weather, and watched Layla swim around in the creek. 

And you know what? It was the most therapeutic thing in the world. I allowed myself to settle into the present without any thought of anything else. I was present in the moment, my stress was melting away, and my heart was flowing with gratitude for the blessing of this moment. 

I slowly began to realize that whether or not things played out as I was hoping or planning, it didn't matter. What was important is that God was in control. He has the handle on the future so that I can focus on working in the present. As long as God has the next part of the script, what is the point of getting myself worked up? I honestly love surprises and can never understand how people hate them. I think it's fun not knowing what will be happening or not knowing the next part. 

So basically I'm looking at all of this like one giant surprise from God! When I think of it that way it doesn't seem so stressful or scary anymore. In fact, it makes me excited to think of what might be coming, and I will be grateful for it regardless. Even if it doesn't turn out to be what I might have in mind, it will be a blessing from God. My attitude is what will determine if I allow the situation to become a trial or a triumph. I actively chose, in the present, to have an attitude of gratitude for the future. That might seem strange to be thankful ahead of time for something that hasn't even happened but it makes all the difference. 

If things don't go as planned and I fail, I choose to be grateful for the learning experience. If things continue to become even more stressful, I choose to be grateful for the fact that I can find peace and rest in God. But above all, the thing I am most grateful for is that God chose me to do this job. I have no idea yet what it will all entail (God usually doesn't post job descriptions haha!) but I know that God does not call the equipped, He equips the called. 

The important thing is God's got the future, and that means I can be present in the present.