Saturday, August 23, 2014

Honesty Hour: Weathering the Storm

I'm going to be 100% honest here and say that this past week has been a struggle. Even though I did all my workouts and hit my macros, I just felt a little off and bloated. It was really discouraging because I felt like I wasn't making any progress. I've been working with my trainer to build more lean muscle and let me tell you, it has been a test of my patience. 

It turns out that's a good thing though. Yes it's only been a few weeks which isn't a lot of time but each day I have had to fight my irrational thoughts. Especially when I did my weekly check-in this Monday and found that I made zero progress in the last week. I was so frustrated with my body because I was bloated and that was causing my measurements to increase!

It didn't make any sense because I did everything I was supposed to that past week. I hit all my macros, pushed myself through every rep, and drank my water. And what did I get for it? No visible progress. 

The week got worse as my body was stubbornly holding onto that bloat. I was hard put not to just suddenly slash my calories and amp up the cardio. As each day went by and my body didn't respond, I grew more desperate and weak. 

This might seem silly and dramatic to some people, but I wanted to give up. I thought to myself that it wasn't going to work and that I wouldn't reach my goals. Slowly but surely those negative thoughts were taking root in my head, and as each day passed I allowed them more freedom. 

By this morning, I was dangerously close to falling back into old habits. That little voice in my ear telling me that all this could be fixed if I cut my calories and went into cardio overload. It was so simple and I would see results with my body. 

But then I thought to myself, would it? Would it actually fix things? 

It was a back-and-forth struggle that went on the entire time I was at the gym this morning. I hate to admit it but at one point I was leaning more towards falling into bad habits. And I'll tell you simply why: I was scared. Scared that all of this was for nothing and that I wouldn't reach my goal. I have been pushing myself out of my comfort zone and it would be so much easier to return to what I have known before. 

Then suddenly a song came on my iPod called "It's Not Over Yet" by For King & Country. I was honestly in the middle of a dead lift when I put the weight down because it spoke straight to my heart. 
"And they are inside your head, you got a voice that sounds you won't get pass this one"
"To everyone who's hit their limit, it's not over yet."
"It's not over yet." 

It hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt like I had been slapped upside the head by God. I was completely shaken out of whatever rut I had been in all week, and suddenly my head was clearer than it had been in days. Going back to restricting myself wouldn't get me to my goal, and in fact it would set me miles back. I've worked hard to get myself to this point and I'd be throwing away all that progress including what I've been working on in the past few weeks. 

I kid you not but every single song after that was exactly what I needed to hear. It gave me strength, determination, but most importantly peace. I can't explain it properly with words but I simply know I'm on the right path. Everything that I've been through the past couple years and the struggles with my body have been for a reason. And that reason has never been clearer to me than today. 

As if the songs weren't enough, my Instagram has been flooded today with people experiencing similar things. I follow a lot of female lifters or IIFYM girls for inspiration and motivation, and today I was grateful for their posts. A lot of them are in the midst of prep weeks for their shows and they were sharing a lot of their struggles today. It was exactly what I needed because it gave me firm belief that I need to continue with my consistency. It's been a test of patience and I know that it will continue to be but I have hope. I have trust in the process but more importantly I have trust in God. Whatever path I may be carving right now, I know that in the end it's what's been mapped out for me already. 

Sometimes you simply have to have faith while weathering the storm, waiting to come out the other side. I was in the midst of one this week but I've finally reached calmer waters for the time being. Now, I'm not saying I won't have another one of these weeks where I'm frustrated or discouraged but what I am saying is that I know that they can't break me. 

Because what can be broken that God has already fixed?

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