Good CAN Come of This

So this is something that's been on my heart lately and I wanted to share because four years ago I wouldn't have thought it possible. January 2012 is the time I started to go down a very unhealthy path and one that I would travel for over 2 years. I can honestly say I have not felt true healing until this past year and in particular the past few months. Miraculously, good came out of one of the biggest struggles of my life. 

It's a long, long journey, and one that I so often questioned God because I couldn't understand the point of everything. I hated my body, was obsessed with the scale, and hardly eating. The worst was a year into it I started going through viscous cycles of restricting and binging, which made my body image and obsession with the scale even worse. Binging brought in a whole other set of mind games, and there were so many times I thought the rest of my life would be stuck in the cycle. 

But God had another plan for me. 

The greatest thing I have learned from God is that He loves me too much to have me stuck in those old unhealthy cycles. I believe we all have our own inner demons, our own struggles, and story. Mine happens to be my relationship with my body and how I treat it so that subsequently involves food. On the surface it might seem like I just struggle with food but it goes much deeper than that. The root of my problem is not food. It never was, and I know that now. The root of my problem is how I view my worth, and allowed insecurities about my body to dictate my worth rather than God. I got on that unhealthy path because I listened to society about how I should look, not God. 

It's taken four years but God finally got that lesson through to me. It probably could have taken a lot less time if I had actually cooperated in the beginning, but I'll be honest and tell you that my faith wasn't as strong as it is now. I didn't think God could heal me, could provide the peace I was so desperately seeking, or that it had anything to do with Him. 

But it did. It had everything to do with Him. Because if I'm not taking care of myself, if I'm saying such harsh words to myself, and wishing I could change things about my appearance than what am I saying to God? That I could have created myself better than He did? That I think I know better than the creator of the entire universe? That I was so ungrateful for the body He gave me that He created me, loved me, died for me that I couldn't even begin to appreciate that He took the time to do all that even when He didn't have to? 

...ouch. Talk about an ego check. 

When I realized that the harsh words towards my body were actually harsh words towards God, things got a whole new perspective. I began to treat my body better because I finally saw it for what it truly was-- a gift from God. He didn't have to do anything but yet He chose to create me. He also chose to stand by me when I was being ungrateful for that gift and kept trying to get an exchange for what I thought was a "better body". He also chose to lovingly guide me out and back towards Him. 

Looking back now, I wouldn't change anything about it. The lessons I learned from God are too valuable to just go back and have it as though it never happened. The pain, the struggle, and the hopeless days were all for a greater purpose. God was shaping me to be into the woman I am today, and I'm grateful for all He's taught me. 

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

God needed me to go through these past four years because He knew long before I ever did how they would mold me into the person He needed me to be. Once I gave it all over to Him, relied on Him, and placed Jesus at the root of my problem is the day it all changed. 

My body is a temple and I treat it as such. I fuel my body properly because I do love to workout but also because if I take care of myself and keep myself healthy then I can better serve God. Through the past four years I found my passion for health and fitness, and my true calling in life. That is another gift I am so grateful for from God, and one I plan to put to good use in service to Him. 

I don't know where you might be right now in your life, and what is going on but I do know that God is there with you. I do know that God can take a mess and make it into something beautiful. But most importantly I do know that no matter what, God's got this and it's all part of a plan. Good can come of this. 

Love, 

Sam