Honesty Hour: The Loosely-Tracking Thing

So since I've been loosely tracking lately, I figured it'd be a good time to do a post because let me tell you it is not as easy as it might sound. Eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full. Well, easier said than done! It's something that I'm slowly trying to gain back, but there have definitely been bumps in the road the past couple months.

Okay before I get in to the rest of this you might be asking me "Sam you're so confusing, what on earth do you mean by loosely tracking?!". I can guess this because Amanda has pretty much been confused about what I've been doing for the past couple months. Well first and foremost it means: I track when I feel like it. There aren't really any specific rules, and I don't plan out my macros for the next day anymore. I put stuff in every day but then things might change, I might eat stuff that I don't necessarily track, or I forget to delete things that I was planning on eating but didn't. I don't always check my total macros to see what they are for the day, I just sorta plug foods in and go. Some days are more relaxed than others, but I mainly use the app still for adding in new recipes that I've created to see the macro breakdown or checking the nutrition facts for local restaurants when I'm eating out. Stuff like that.

 In fact, I'm about halfway tempted to just completely delete the app from my phone because even now I like to know what's in certain recipes that I calculate. I don't necessarily always track them, but I just like to know the ratio of macros in what I make. I think it's time that I tackle that but I will be 100% completely honest, the thought of doing that gives me anxiety. I'm able to do it if it's a treat but on a daily basis? Still a struggle. So deleting the app off my phone entirely would truly challenge me in ways that I've yet to conquer. 

The first and biggest hurdle so far is I struggle with fats both intuitively and mentally. It's always been one that way for me from my restrictive days because I was told by my doctor that I wasn't getting enough fats specifically. Usually you'll hear a lot of girls say they were afraid of carbs but for me it was definitely fats. It threw off my entire hormonal balance since I wasn't producing enough estrogen because I was at a low body weight because I wasn't eating enough. Well, you get the idea. It wasn't healthy for me, and a very very common misconception is that fats are 'bad'. I definitely was in that mindset for about two years. Well, they're not bad! In fact, your body NEEDS them. 

I'm easily able to intuitively eat protein without guilt or hesitation because I'm always like "straight to my quadzz please", and carbs I also understand I need for fuel for runs and lifts. I'm able to ration with myself and be like "well, I ate oats for breakfast so maybe at lunch it'll be more of a protein ratio. dinner can be a lean protein and veggies. maybe a starch if I didn't have oats for breakfast" etc. Protein and carbs are easy for me to balance. 

Then, throw in fats and I completely stall. Uhhh...did I even macro?

I don't know what it is about them, but I think it's just because fats can be hidden in a lot of foods to me. For example wraps and breads, almond milk, olive oil, coconut oil, even protein powder or something like that all of which I eat on a daily basis. I forget about that because I'm just thinking about peanut butter. I mean, I think I'm always thinking about peanut butter haha! 

My point is I'm afraid that I won't account for all those little hidden fats. Yeah, they can only be a couple grams but those can add up! Especially when my maintenance fat macro is about 50g (calculated by a professional coach, so please comments to yourselves!). And the fact that I just want to eat a lot of peanut butter. 

Anyway, the reason I'm blabbering on about this problem with fats is that I clearly was skimping on them in my fear of going over on fats. I would hesitate before eating something with a higher fat content (i.e. peanut butter) because then I second guessed myself that maybe I already had enough fats for the day. I was playing it too safe and ended up not meeting my usual fat quota for the day. 

How did I know this? I started craving almond butter. 

For some reason, that is my body's go-to signal when I really, really want almond butter. This happened to me two years ago when my body was practically screaming at me for food. And for some reason, almond butter and almond milk do the trick. It's like I can't get enough. I could eat almond butter out of the jar with a spoon, and chug almond milk out of the carton. I mean I usually do those things anyway but within moderation! 

It was weird because we usually have almond butter in the house but it always ends up playing second fiddle to peanut butter for obvious reasons haha. But then all of a sudden I kept passing up the peanut butter for almond butter. One day I stopped to think about that, and then it clicked. 

"I'm not getting enough fats, am I?" 

Amanda also commented the other week and asked if I had lost weight. She said something off hand like "I always just worry a bit about you". I took a step back, and mentally thought about what I ate on a daily basis-- usually lean meats, egg whites, fresh fruits & veggies, and possibly oats. Sounds healthy, I know, but where were the fats? I wasn't allowing myself hardly any nut butters or cheeses because I was trying to account for all those other little fats. It turns out, I was wayyy under. No wonder I dropped some weight because I wasn't making up for those calories in protein or carbs either. 

I was unknowingly putting myself in a deficit, and then my body started to let me know. At first I did all the typical things like make sure I was getting enough water, enough sleep, eating enough fiber with fruits and veggies, etc. Just covering the rest of my bases in case the cravings for almond butter indicated something else my body needed. 

At the end of the day, though, it was pretty simple. My body needed more fats so I'm listening! Legit just downed a tablespoon of almond butter before writing this haha! Lately I'm making sure to incorporate more nut butters, and I'm not complaining because I just dip my little tablespoon (or finger) in to the jar and have at it! I know, I have no house manners as Amanda likes to remind me. In my mind, though, if we can share a jar of nut butter and dip our fingers in it then we're pretty close haha! Out of consideration for Amanda, I do make sure to clean the spoon each time I dip so that I'm not "germing up the jar" as she puts it. 

We'll see how it goes and if my body gets happier. Right now I still crave almond butter every so often but it's getting better as I feed my body more fats. Even though there are days where I can eat everything in sight, I have to take it slow. I have to reason with myself because even though my body is telling me something, I have to add it back in gradually. Just like with my reverse, I have to give my body enough time to adjust to the changes! I guess the one good thing about this accidental cut shows that my metabolism was on point. After spending how many months rebuilding it, I'm glad that it actually did my body good! Even if it wasn't my original intention to lose weight, the fact that I did tells me that my metabolism is doing much better. When I first started with my coach, I wanted to lean out a bit but my body was stubborn because my metabolism wasn't as repaired as we originally thought. Since my body wouldn't cooperate, my coach recommended reversing. The funny thing is, I started seeing the results I wanted once I began increasing my calories (**not always typical!!**). Just goes to show the human body can surprise you! 

So, there's been a learning curve but I'm taking it one day at a time. I knew that it would be hard to go with loosely tracking but I also didn't want to quit cold turkey. More honestly I didn't 100% trust myself either to just dive in. Maybe some day soon, possibly the next few weeks, I'll delete myfitnesspal off my phone entirely which might either give me a heart attack or a sense of relief. I can't explain it but I know that depending on something to track my food is not healthy long-term but it also played a huge part in helping me learn about macros and restoring balance so it was also good for me. Does that make sense at all or just make me sound crazy?

Anyway, this sure hasn't been easy but then again as they say: if it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you.